I’ve really been making an effort to keep Future Gringo on topic as of late – in keeping with my original intent of focusing on unique places in Denver and abroad, as well as travel journals from various sojourns and adventures. Bike theft, or this one specifically, is an important Denver issue, but unfortunately a more somber topic as it deals with my realization of how dark and depraved our society really can be. Sometimes you really encounter the best in people, and other times you find the worst. If I may quote Ted Stevens without being mocked for extreme hyberbole: this really is the saddest day of my life.

On Wednesday, October 15th, one of the Future Gringo fleet vehicles was stolen: a Trek 7200 hybrid bicycle. This theft occurred at the 7-Eleven at Colfax and Downing, at about 12:30am. This bike is a few years old, (2003,) and fortunately not my more expensive and regularly used road bike. However this bike is important to me and holds special value in my heart. I purchased this a while back after settling back into the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Denver. I started biking to work with it, and doing my errands around town. It has served me well for three full years, throughout every season. Although later I purchased a faster road bike for my commute, this bike is still regularly used in our household. It even took part in the MS150 ride to Fort Collins and back this past June. More importantly: I just really miss it and want it back.

I wasn’t in command of the bike at the time, but being a quick stop into 7-Eleven the operator locked the bike to itself, (wheel to frame,) while he went inside. The thief couldn’t have ridden off with it unless he picked the lock, so I suspect he had a nearby accomplice with truck. A police report was filed, and in contrast to my expectations the police have been very communicative and helpful, and emails have been exchanged with photos and the serial number. The police suspect this may be part of a larger theft ring around the area, and per their last correspondence were planning to review the 7-Eleven tapes. If they’re busted and property is seized we just may find this in a police station basement somewhere. Wishful thinking I know – but its more than many other police departments do. So thank you DPD.

In the past few dreary days, (weatherwise and emotionally,) I’ve been scoping out the area from which it was taken, sleuthing for possible leads. I’ve come up short. There are a LOT of bikes in downtown Denver. I’m trying to worm in closer to the case, but I’ve found shifty looking 19 year olds aren’t that interested in chatting up a guy wearing Diesel jeans approaching them from a black Saturn with a note pad. Don’t tell 7-Eleven, but I’m considering applying for a night job in order to surreptitiously hunt down clues. Somebody MUST know something – and I’m really trying to worm my way into it. When I succeed it’ll be like that Val Kilmer movie “Salton Sea” where he purposely falls into the dredges of the Los Angeles underbelly to find out who really killed his wife. (I this case I don’t believe it was crooked cops.)

So while I continue to take on the dark side of Denver alone, here’s my deal to anyone interested: I will pay $500 for the return of this bike. (For the full bike, not just a pile of bolts.) Being a heavily used 2003 model, that’s WAY MORE than its worth! That may sound crazy, but it has sentimental value to me. When the time comes that I DO sell or giveaway this bike I want the recipient to be someone deserving who will treat it like I have. I don’t like the thought that its currently sitting in the backyard of some meth house in the cold autumn rain. If you find it and are kind enough to waive my reward I will still donate some money to your favorite charity.

But wait – there’s more included! From the Future Gringo shwag closet:

*A $50 gift certificate to Imperial Palace. Johnny Hsu makes THE best Chinese Food in Denver.

**Three pairs of club level seats for the Colorado Rockies 2009 season. Its a ways off, but I won’t forget about you. You pick the dates.

***A Pentax Optio E30 Digital Camera. (ok I really just need to get rid of this. Its broken and deletes pictures from the SD card, plus the screen won’t turn off.)

Now – I’m sure all my regular readers are eager to start traipsing up and down Colfax ready to make a citizens arrest, or don trenchcoats and roam around seedy Aurora warehouses. But – there are many hybrids out there, so here are some key elements for identification:

1. Most important, since this probably has not been modified: Most hybrids have handlebars that curl up from the main stem. Like this. I don’t really care for them, so when I purchased it I requested flat/mountain bike bars. (see my photos.)

2. There’s a rear rack, and the black paint is worn off on the right side from the U-lock bouncing up and down on it.

3. There is a bracket on the handlebar (right side,) for a Garmin GPS mount. I attached my portable aviation GPS twice, but realized its pretty stupid because you have to take it on and off all the time. I never removed the bracket. There’s also a center bracket for a handlebar box. (pictured below)

4. There’s another bracket for a light on the main stem, right above the frame, and also a red tail light – assuming those haven’t been removed. Click “more” (below) for some close up photos of these elements.

Now you’re probably thinking. “But your blog is so popular, what if the thief reads this and hacks apart my beloved bike to make it unrecognizable?” Well I’m extending an offer to him or her: Is your life miserable and you’re wondering how you ever got caught up in this bike theft gang? Are you sick of having to dash out at 2am stealing peoples’ bikes – while your lousy cut is only 15% of whatever the kingpin pawns them for? Contact me and tell me where your headquarters are. They won’t know its you, I won’t implicate you, and I’ll help you get the assistance that you and your pregnant girlfriend need. I’ll even pay your studio apartment rent for a month! As mentioned $500 is MORE than the bike is worth, so you’ll come out way ahead. Maybe we’ll even become friends, like in Doogie Howser when the guy robbed the liquor store and Doogie calmed him down then got him a job at the hospital. Let’s get you back on track in life, vis a vis the return of my bike.

What’s that – you just want pot? Look I can get that too. Seriously, just tell me where the bike is. I’m a pretty nice and forgiving person. And as you can see by my generous offer of free Chinese food and Rockies tickets I have some pretty sweet connections around town.

This Trek 7200 is somewhere in Denver. I respectfully request it be returned to me.

Below are some larger photos. Again, Please return my bike.

Thank you for your time.