The Consumerist often publishes photos and conversations with store managers who throw out Christmas and Holiday displays obscenely early. Their tag is titled “Christmas Creep.”

Most agree that AFTER Thanksgiving should be the start of the CHRISTMAS season, but this idea has been lost on retail for a long, long time.

I spotted this wrapping paper at Walgreens, and although its on the unreachable top shelf and probably just overflow from the stock room, I definitely think it qualifies.

So a lot of people are renting out their homes during the upcoming Democratic National Convention here in Denver. If you check out Craigslist you’ll see large homes, condos, rooms in apartments, and nice old carriage homes put up for the week - many for less than what you’d spend on a hotel. Even Oprah is renting a house here!

I’d like to get in on the game and rent this house just south of Cherry Creek in the Bonnie Brae neighborhood. On the corner of Tennessee and South Steele, this new home was just recently completely, but for whatever reason has been sitting empty for about nine months now. Maybe the future owners backed out, moved away, but its a shame to let it go unoccupied. Also I bike through here daily so I’d be a good landlord!

The details: This glass and brick home appears to have four or five bedrooms, a modern kitchen and bathrooms, and most likely a really fancy master suite with a hot tub spa. I’ll bet there’s a big back yard and I think a three or four car garage. I’m guessing there’s an enormous restaurant style gas range too - just ripe for those wild after convention parties. Through the window I can verify an open staircase, and although I’ve never been inside I’m sure they went nuts with the stainless and granite.

I’m asking $3,500 for the week, and I don’t care how many people reside there. Or when you leave for that matter. If interested we can conduct the transaction at the nearby elementary school parking lot. I prefer cash. In a duffel bag. Now- I won’t be able to provide the actual keys, but I will give you a phillips AND flathead screwdriver, which should make entry fairy simple. This should also get you into the nearby Cherry Creek Country Club via the loose gate on Downing Street.

Please email me if interested. Serious offers only! This one will go fast. (Terms and conditions apply*)

*I do not own or have any affiliation with this home, nor any authority to rent it out.

Wow my best friend, (and niece,) Lili sure has changed since our March trip to Amsterdam. Apparently babies develop quite rapidly in the first two years of their existence; morphing from stumbling little creatures that play with blocks and keys into tiny little people that enjoy reading and taking rides on swings.

Here’s Lili on the left shopping in the Freisland, and on the right a photo from this month enjoying the summer. The drastic speed of this transformation is astounding. I really never paid attention before and had no idea.

Conversely it doesn’t appear I’ve changed at all between this 2005 photo and this picture taken March of 2008. (taken again with Lili.) Strange, baffling, yet interesting indeed.

Hooray for my second ever mobile blog post.

And good for the Coors Field club level mens room for providing diabetics like myself (and other drug users) a proper place to dispose of their needles!  I didn’t think that many type 1s enjoyed the Rockies.

I received this check in the mail for $1.42. I didn’t know who or what it was from other than that I was part of a class action settlement.

I googled “Klussman vs Cross Country Bank” and found it was a California settlement in which some firm named Klussman sued a bank for debt collecter for excessive fees and harassment. This is odd, because in recent years I’ve never received a call from a debt collector much less been harassed by one.

Obviously I haven’t make a beeline to the bank to deposit this miniscule sum, but it got me thinking. The amount of money that’s divided up and distributed is often tiny. When a class action lawsuit is initiated, why not just have the plaintants, or group that’s represented, agree that if the settlement result is under $10 per person, then the money will go to:

1: A lottery. For example instead of a million dollars being split over 600,000 people (resulting in $1.66 per person,) why not everyone agree that 100 people win $10,000? I’d give up my paltry $1.66 for the chance that myself or someone else might win 10k. And much better odds than Powerball.

or 2: A good charity that everyone can agree on. Take the whole mess and split it between the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation and the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. Certainly a reputable group could benefit from a large cash influx far more than an individual or household could benefit from $2.73. And you can write off your donation.

Agree? I’m on board.

I didn’t realize this when writing my now annual bitch post about phone books, but the folks over at The Stranger, Seattle’s Weekly, were just as frustrated as myself a few months back when receiving their dollop of yellow bricks.  From writer Dan Savage:

The bang was so loud I nearly crapped my pants. More than a foot thick and tucked in a bag destined to live forever in a landfill, our new Dex phone books—all three of them!—landed on our porch shortly before dawn on a sunny summer morning.

It had been ages since I cracked open a phone book. Why would anyone use a phone book when Google can locate any number you need in .28 seconds or less?

This review prompted the same boilerplate response by Ken Clark as he posted yesterday morning on my site.  

Their solution to the phone book annoyance?  Return them.  As pictured left Dan Savage’s crew heaved pound upon pound of unwanted Dex phone books at their company doorstep. 

Now that we have our truckload here in Denver let’s do the same.  I’m ready.

Also - I never got an answer from Ken Clark on whether or not the “immediate disposal” factor is taken into consideration when hyping circulation numbers.   How can you honestly say you have “X” number of circulation - when as shown by Dan Savage, myself, and probably countless others who don’t waste time blogging about it -  that a substantial percentage of these books make a beeline for the dumpster without one page being opened.

If phone books were actually useful and relevant we would have “One Phone Book per Child,”  and not “One Laptop per Child.”

Meanwhile if you are interested in how phone book publishers, sellers, and marketers are desperately attempting to put food on their family visit YPtalk.com  The “voice” of the yellow pages industry, (ironically on the web,)  where you can read for yourself the obvious hilarity in such matters such as:

Why do customers cancel their advertising??? As sales people, we are competing with everyone who comes into that business selling something. We all know the advantages of Yellow Pages advertising. How can some customers not see the value of the product and want to cancel ads or even their whole program?

As usual being days behind any event or blog post, a belated Happy Thanksgiving from the Futuregringo.com staff - meaning Caleb and I.

Not caring to gut and babysit a turkey all week long we made a honeyglazed ham for us and some friends - and enjoyed it with garlic mashed potatoes,  (don’t forget the dill,)  creamed spinach, carrots, Chilean red wine, and a decadent southern coconut chocolate peanut butter dessert made by Michael. (Who is from Alabama and an expert at southern desserts.)

Cheers to you and yours…

How many times have you been engaged in a thoughtful conversation with your friend, lover, mistress, or other tablemate, and you’re constantly interrupted by the waiter/waitress pestering “Is everything ok?” “Is everything STILL ok?” This Denver Post Article by John Henderson sums up that annoyance perfectly.

The best restaurants are where my wait person isn’t terribly overtaxed, and they are able to maintain an eagle eye view of my table and the area, and come over when they realize I actually NEED something. Not just for nonsensical chit-chat.

Denver Post Article below

Waiters: Take a tip from the Europeans
By John Henderson Denver Post Staff Writer

Rome - All you American waiters and waitresses, gather around.

Put down the pitcher of water, Jerry. Your customers won’t die of thirst if you’re gone five minutes. And no need to ask them if they like the food, Marcia. They’ll let you know if it stinks. And Bruce? Quit glaring at them. I know you’re squeezing the ink out of that bill in your hand, but they won’t dine ‘n’ dash. No one normal does that anymore.

Listen, I’m going to tell you Americans how to wait on customers.

Join me here in Rome. Meet Stefania Biccai. She’s the waitress at my favorite Roman pizzeria, an unassuming spot near the Vatican called La Pratolina. Biccai sat my girlfriend and me down with menus and a few brief - very brief - pleasantries.

She came over and took our dinner orders only after we put down our menus. She didn’t ask what we wanted while we were still scanning the antipasti. She brought the food and didn’t return in 30 seconds to ask how it tasted. No need. She knew it was good. And it was. My signature gorgonzola and sausage pizza is one of my two favorite in the world.

(more…)

Every time I take the trash out I’m amazed at how much garbage a household of just two people creates.

This accumulation is only about 5-6 days worth of normal groceries, bathroom junk, and other standard sundries from various trash cans around the house. 

I make an effort to be a conscientious consumer and refrain from buying wastfully packaged products such as this Treasure Cave cheese, but man this is still a lot of trash. Hey Treasure Cave: remember when Burger King used to put the Whoppers, already wrapped, INSIDE a cardboard box, which you’d take 20 feet to your table and then throw away? Save some money and follow their lead.