Late last night I brought my mom to the airport, and since toting a couple carry ons and still being on the mend from a recent ankle break I requested a pass in order to accompany her to the gate.*

As I was collecting my wallet, phone, and shoes, I noticed this sticker on my X-ray bin. 

Does this even require explaining as to why its so utterly hilarious?  Well, despite the fact that there are many some TSA officials who act in a courteous and professional manner; the position of “TSA Officer” is without doubt one of the least respected positions in our country.  Why on earth would a kid aspire to be a TSA screener? Its kind of like making a “Junior Telemarketer” or “Future Repo-Man” sticker.

I asked a screener if I could have a few stickers for my backpack, but unfortunately he didn’t know where they were located. 

On the way home this sticker got me thinking:  Somewhere, someplace, a TSA screener has spoken at their child’s elementary school “career day.”   If you’re reading this and have a video of that please send it to me.  It has to exist somewhere. 

Also where did the budget for this come from?  I don’t really care if my tax dollars helped pay for these $4.99 printer stickers, but I’m simply curious if this is nationwide, or a lone Denver based official had this cute but ridiculous idea.

p.s.  *Here’s the great thing about going through security with a gate pass.  Since you’re not flying anywhere it puts you in the rare situation where you can actually observe and question TSA practices without fear of them retaliating against you by detainment or performing unneeded additional seraches!   I suggest more people accompany their mothers airside – and take lots of pictures and notes too.

This pleasant neighborhood park is located in Grandville, Michigan, just southwest of Grand Rapids.   Along the path I found this well constructed blue sign which conveys much agreed upon advice of consuming liquids when during periods of high activity.

Staying hydrated certainly is good advice when walking, running, biking, rollerblading, or any other ing.  However I found it humorous that such warnings are necessary on this trail, which consists of a simple half mile loop around a small lake.  Furthermore the park is surrounded by houses on two sides.  So hypothetically if you DID become severely dehydrated you could stumble into someone’s walkout basement gasping for water.   Or most likely someone grilling in their backyard would see you raggedly dressed wandering half-delusionally about and call in the medivacs. 

There is also a Starbucks across the street.

But wait – one more comparison:  if you check out this map you’ll see that Heritage Park, on the left, is (sadly)  just barely one fourth the size of the nearby mall’s footprint.  Perhaps this sign should be relocated to the Rivertown Crossings Shopping Center?   In my experience its MORE difficult to stay hydrated at the mall, since the food court vendors will only give you a thimble size cup of water if asked.

In any case – stay hydrated…