The bang was so loud I nearly crapped my pants. More than a foot thick and tucked in a bag destined to live forever in a landfill, our new Dex phone books—all three of them!—landed on our porch shortly before dawn on a sunny summer morning.

It had been ages since I cracked open a phone book. Why would anyone use a phone book when Google can locate any number you need in .28 seconds or less?

This review prompted the same boilerplate response by Ken Clark as he posted yesterday morning on my site.  

Their solution to the phone book annoyance?  Return them.  As pictured left Dan Savage’s crew heaved pound upon pound of unwanted Dex phone books at their company doorstep. 

Now that we have our truckload here in Denver let’s do the same.  I’m ready.

Also – I never got an answer from Ken Clark on whether or not the “immediate disposal” factor is taken into consideration when hyping circulation numbers.   How can you honestly say you have “X” number of circulation – when as shown by Dan Savage, myself, and probably countless others who don’t waste time blogging about it –  that a substantial percentage of these books make a beeline for the dumpster without one page being opened.

If phone books were actually useful and relevant we would have “One Phone Book per Child,”  and not “One Laptop per Child.”

Meanwhile if you are interested in how phone book publishers, sellers, and marketers are desperately attempting to put food on their family visit YPtalk.com  The “voice” of the yellow pages industry, (ironically on the web,)  where you can read for yourself the obvious hilarity in such matters such as:

Why do customers cancel their advertising??? As sales people, we are competing with everyone who comes into that business selling something. We all know the advantages of Yellow Pages advertising. How can some customers not see the value of the product and want to cancel ads or even their whole program?

Why are you still around? I considered this question last year when you left this dinosaur at my doorstop. I haven’t used a phone book since the 90s, and suspect many have dismissed them as well. Who would choose to page through this inky yellow mess when you can find a phone number, address, or business in seconds using Google or any other search variant – national or local. On the road? There’s Google Text, Google 411, and many others.

Point being anywhere a phone exists there’s most likely internet access or WiFi, making your product obsolete. Even in my office at work I don’t see phone books in cubicles or workstations anymore. They’re as useful and as relevant as cassette tape answering machines, VCRs, and Blockbuster Video.

Stop publishing these. It’s a waste of paper, and a waste of the plastic used to wrap them in. (Actually those make decent dog poop bags.) Also the only revenue these bring in – which is advertising, is sold under false pretenses. Just like magazines, phone book publishers base ad rates on circulation. So my handling of this book for five seconds between lifting it up, walking it to and heaving it into the recycle bin counts as an impression and/or user. Yeah right.

As with 90% of everything else I comment on I’m certainly no expert. So if you work for Dex, sell phone book ad space, or sell any other product that nobody uses – please comment and let me know how you’re able to put food on your family. I’m honestly curious.

Meanwhile if you’re not building a time capsule here is where to recycle your phone book. James Van Dellen